A personal gaming “Ultimate Showdown”
My editor walks up to me and asked, “How long have you been a gamer?” I replied, “Since I was around nine.”
My editor then said, “Nine huh? You’ve been playing since nine?” Didn’t he just listen to me? I responded “Yeah, didn’t I just answer your question?” He said, “Good good, so in the 15 or so years you’ve been playing games, do you have any favorite gaming heroes or villains? I’d like you to list them in an article, and then I’d like you to have them battle it out or something, and then we could ask the readers to comment on what they think about it.”
I replied, “Wasn’t this already done in that flash video of the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny?” He blinks a bit and then asks, “the wha…? I interrupted him and said, “Never mind, I’ll try not to put Chuck Norris in to the thing.”
So who am I putting into my own custom made “good guys, bad guys and explosions” scenario? I’m thinking of making this a five-villain-five-hero free for all. So, let me start with the good guys I’m picking:
Rockman from the Rockman series – Yep, I’m using the Japanese name. Why? Because it’s cool that way. I’m putting in the blue bomber in the fray because the little blue sprite just won’t die. The series has how many incarnations now? If I’m gonna put in characters into an Ultimate showdown, I’m going to put in characters with staying power. Zelda, Sonic, and Mario get so much recognition for being “legendary”, well-loved characters already, so I’m skipping them. Yep, Rockman gets a slot.
More on the rest of the contenders and the outcome of the virtual battle after the Jump!
My editor walks up to me and asked, “How long have you been a gamer?” I replied, “Since I was around nine.”
My editor then said, “Nine huh? You’ve been playing since nine?” Didn’t he just listen to me? I responded “Yeah, didn’t I just answer your question?” He said, “Good good, so in the 15 or so years you’ve been playing games, do you have any favorite gaming heroes or villains? I’d like you to list them in an article, and then I’d like you to have them battle it out or something, and then we could ask the readers to comment on what they think about it.”
I replied, “Wasn’t this already done in that flash video of the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny?” He blinks a bit and then asks, “the wha…? I interrupted him and said, “Never mind, I’ll try not to put Chuck Norris in to the thing.”
So who am I putting into my own custom made “good guys, bad guys and explosions” scenario? I’m thinking of making this a five-villain-five-hero free for all. So, let me start with the good guys I’m picking:
Rockman from the Rockman series – Yep, I’m using the Japanese name. Why? Because it’s cool that way. I’m putting in the blue bomber in the fray because the little blue sprite just won’t die. The series has how many incarnations now? If I’m gonna put in characters into an Ultimate showdown, I’m going to put in characters with staying power. Zelda, Sonic, and Mario get so much recognition for being “legendary”, well-loved characters already, so I’m skipping them. Yep, Rockman gets a slot.
Kirby from the Kirby series – Just because I’d want to see Sephiroth get eaten by Kirby… Actually it’s because this cute little pink puff gets so much rep for being all “cutesy wootsy and nice.” I’m sick and tired of hearing people go “awww, isn’t he so nice?” The evil thing EATS THINGS WHOLE and absorbs their power. Last I checked sentient gelatinous oozes were evil maligned things that people tried to destroy in b-films.
Alucard from Castlevania Symphony of the Night – I know that he’s not really “good,” but hey, he was the protagonist. And the game he came from was cool. Come on, tell me the answer to this: What is a man?
Robo from Chrono Trigger – when you spend 400 years turning a dessert into a forest, you definitely have some good guy potential. When you spend the whole game trying to prevent an evil future, and perhaps your existence along with it, you’re good guy legend.
Larry Laffer from Leisure Suit Larry – Come on guys! You know he’s a good guy.
Notice that except for Larry and Alucard, they all radiate the same aura that Puff the magic dragon radiates when he’s rolling and frolicking in the sand. And now for the Evil Dudes:
Kefka Palazzo from Final Fantasy VI – The Sephiroth mentioned in the Kirby entry above was a red herring. Sephiroth schmephiroth, sorry guys, but Mr. Bad Ass cool is no villain. Yes, he’s cool. Yes he’s bad ass, yes he wins that hands down at any hot male contest. But he’s NOT evil. Sephiroth (along with Cloud) is the anime/J-rpg poster boy for emo-angst. Sephiroth had a bad childhood, and he misses his mummy, so now he wants to blow up the world.
Boo hoo.
Now Kefka, he’s a dolt, he’s gay, he’s a coward, but you know what? He’s evil. He’s like Dee-dee from Dexter’s lab, only fused with the anthropomorphic personification of devious. You have memories of him going: “Ooh? I wonder what will happen if I poison the water supply…oops. Oh dear.” and “Oh look if I adjust this statue… Ta…DAH! I’m a GOD now. Now who’s pwning who?” Sephiroth is famous for what? Stabbing Aerith. Lame.
Kerrigan from Starcraft – Do I really need to explain why the Queen of the Blades is evil? Do I really? The Queen Bitch of the Universe deserves the slot.
Romeo Guildenstern from Vagrant Story – He’s really annoying. He’s really really really annoying. He’s evil just because you die of sheer irritation before you fight him. He gets the slot.
The Aliens from Space Invaders – I’m really resisting the urge to put Bowser in this list, why? Because bowser is in every top ten villain list. It’s getting old already, so I’m giving credit to those little white sprites that deserve it. There’s plenty of them, they’re annoying, you’ll swear they’re evil after you’ve lost so many quarters, and they’ll invade your nightmares. They’re like evil mutated pigeons only, when their turd lands on you it’s game over.
Carmen Sandiego from the Where in the World series – With the ever increasing number of videogames turned movies nowadays, one really has to wonder why the criminal genius is yet to get a movie. Perhaps it’s because she’s really not that popular. Despite her lack of popularity, you have to admit that the criminal mastermind had you scratching your head like the poor silly pwned goodie-goodie-two-shoes that you are.
So what happens? Easy. Much bloodshed, a whole lot of good and truth-i-ness against god-like demonic powers and evil alien invader poop. The battle lasts for several months, and just when Kerrigan looked like she was about to get all the other contenders to kill each other…
Kirby eats everyone.
End of battle.
Keep in mind that I picked these ten characters with the actual possible battle in mind. I dunno. I just thought it would be really funny to See Kirby swallow Kerrigan whole or see Carmen Sandiego pwn Uncle Larry.
Despite the task given it turns out that this article isn’t really about the ultimate battle, I just noticed that these characters haven’t been getting the credit they deserve. You see Bowser, and Luigi in lists everywhere, but you don’t really hear about Kefka right? Hey, just think of this as a weird twist to that tired old boring used top ten list that everyone else has got.
So what five heroes and five villains would you pick for your own version of the Ultimate Showdown? Comment away.
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