The QuickJump QuickList: Seven MGS4 plot twists we see coming

Welcome to the first edition of the Quick Jump Quick List! If you haven’t heard yet, it’s our new column which appears twice a month to give the readers a list of anything under the gaming sun. It could be anything from a prototypical top ten list or a laundry list like this one. Remember, this is the first edition of the QuickList and it would rock if you guys can be a part of it by posting your thoughts. Enjoy!

Okay, so Hideo Kojima disappointed us all in the recent GDC when he didn’t say or show anything new about the upcoming biggie – Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots for the Sony PlayStation 3. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, though. One of the selling points of the respected franchise is its riveting storyline, so we decided to dwell on that.

The MGS story is tough to predict and even if you analyze the information given, Kojima and company still find ways to keep you dumbfounded. Throwing logic out of the window, here now is our completely shallow and totally un-analyzed seven MGS4 plot twists that we see coming:

7. Vamp is still out there– It’s a no-brainer. He’s still alive. Everyone knows it and the bisexual vampire will be in the PS3. He’s just too cool to have in only one game.

6. Meryl will give us trouble again– We smell another escort mission like what we did with Emma in MGS2 and EVA in MGS3. Those are never fun, except for the sniping part at the Big Shell.

More crazy ways to drive Snake bonkers after the jump!

Welcome to the first edition of the Quick Jump Quick List! If you haven’t heard yet, it’s our new column which appears twice a month to give the readers a list of anything under the gaming sun. It could be anything from a prototypical top ten list or a laundry list like this one. Remember, this is the first edition of the QuickList and it would rock if you guys can be a part of it by posting your thoughts. Enjoy!

Okay, so Hideo Kojima disappointed us all in the recent GDC when he didn’t say or show anything new about the upcoming biggie – Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots for the Sony PlayStation 3. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, though. One of the selling points of the respected franchise is its riveting storyline, so we decided to dwell on that.

The MGS story is tough to predict and even if you analyze the information given, Kojima and company still find ways to keep you dumbfounded. Throwing logic out of the window, here now is our completely shallow and totally un-analyzed Seven MGS4 plot twists that we see coming:

7. Vamp is still out there– It’s a no-brainer. He’s still alive. Everyone knows it and the bisexual vampire will be in the PS3. He’s just too cool to have in only one game.

6. Meryl will give us trouble again– We smell another escort mission like what we did with Emma in MGS2 and EVA in MGS3. Those are never fun, except for the sniping part at the Big Shell.

5. Raiden will die– We’ve got a funny feeling that Olga’s child is all grown up now and the kid would have been trained by the Patriots to kill Snake. Snake wouldn’t have the heart to do it, so Raiden will have to find some way to get himself killed, killing Olga’s son in the process. For those of you who didn’t play MGS2, Raiden and Olga’s kid both have nanomachines in their bodies. They’re linked in such a way that if Raiden dies, the Gurlukuvich kid also dies because his nanos will kill him. Either that or Liquid Ocelot appears out of nowhere and nonchalantly shoots them both.

4. Snake will finally pilot a – Metal Gear– Okay, we’re pushing it here and we have nothing to back it up. Still, it seems fun to finally know how running the darn thing feels like while fighting soldiers equipped with stingers.

3. Ocelot will regain control over his body– The sly old Russian cowboy-ish CIA agent-turned Patriot accomplice seems to have been taken over by Liquid Snake in MGS2 after he attached Liquid’s arm to his own decapitated limb, but we think he’s too slick to just disappear like that. We say he’s been playing Liquid again and he’ll take control to finally get that showdown with Snake going.

2. Otacon is working for the Patriots– Yup, that dirty, mother-loving (shh… he had a relationship with his stepmom) Hal Emmerich has “traitor” written all over him. He’s probably been misguiding Snake into wild goose chases all these years and chucks his guts laughing when he’s alone in his room.

1. Snake has a clone– With all the blood he’s been leaking all over the place, the Patriots have probably cloned Snake using that and replaced the brain with that of Big Boss’s. That way, we’ll have a young Big Boss all over again so he can star in the next MGS games because Konami knows as well as we all do that Raiden can’t carry the show twice.

(Editor’s note: you didn’t think we’d stop at seven, did you?)

0. The Identity of the Patriots! – Some theorize that The Patriots are a computer program. We say that’s not true. Remember the S3 simulation discussed in the endgame of MGS2? It didn’t stand for Solid Snake Simulation. It was a program to sanitize free will and freedom of expression. The Patriots are threatened by the emergence of the internet and they want to censor everything so they can remain in power. We therefore conclude that the real Patriots are…

Jack Thompson and Dr. Phil!

Next week’s QuickList will discuss the saddest and most tired game cliches. Your thoughts are most welcome on what we should have in it.