A PS3 fanboy’s pessimistic forecast on Square Enix’s big Final Fantasy 7 announcement

After Square Enix‘s big announcement in E3 2008, do you still believe anything is impossible? Another “big announcement” is on the way this August, and the RPG maker says it’s about their (arguably) most popular franchise, Final Fantasy VII. What could it be? We don’t know but here’s a list of things a lot of people don’t want it to be. Don’t take it way too seriously, though.

In numerous instances, Square Enix has told the gaming media that “a big Final Fantasy VII announcement is coming soon.” That announcement is said to be slated for their August private party in Japan, and the iconic RPG makers are hyping it up. The burning questions now are these: what will it be and how shocking is it exactly?

This blogger has no idea what it is. But after Square Enix stole the show with their Final Fantasy XIII cross-platform announcement in E3, I say anything really is possible. With that, I’d like to offer a pessimist’s view of what the big FF7 announcement will be in the mind of a PS3 fanboy gone salty in the aftermath of E3.

10 potential Final Fantasy 7 announcements that could piss you off:

1. The big announcement is that the real big announcement has been postponed to TGS 2008.
2. An FF7 jigsaw puzzle game for the Nintendo DS.
3. A Buster Sword-oriented game for the Wii where you swing the Wiimote to attack with Zack and Cloud’s trademark weapon.
4. A rail shooter compatible with the Wii Zapper with Vincent again as the lead character.
5. A Nintendogs clone with Red XIII as your pet.
6. An attempt at an FPS with Barret as the hero.
7. A knock-off of the snowboarding minigame in FF7. Only this time, you’ll do it with a Balance Board on the Wii.
8. A compilation of all FF7 and spin-off soundtracks.
9. An FF7 remake and it’ll be on the Xbox 360, too!
10. There will be no FF7 remake, sequel, no nothing. Yup, that’s the big announcement.

Oh well. Let’s hope none of these things happen in Square Enix’s party. Here’s to something worthwhile for one of the most beloved IPs of all time.

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