If they played WoW: Jesus Christ

Ever wondered what it’d be like to have your own personal dream team playing World of Warcraft with you? Well, look no further!

In this new series of articles, we’ll be examining the possibilities of people we never expected would play Blizzard‘s epic MMO. We’ll not only go into detail as to why they’d be a particular race, but we’ll also feature the class and skills they’d be expected to use in game… if they played WoW

Allow me to present what is probably the most blasphemous, yet perhaps the most elite of the members of the five-man team in this set: Jesus Christ, the human warlock. Don’t worry. We’ll be silencing all cries of “But Jesus should be a priest!” soon enough. Trust us, Judas is a priest, but Jesus is an uber Warlock.

Race and Skills of He Who Is:

First off, it’s obvious that He’d have to be human. Jesus is fully God and fully Human at the same time, and because He’s God, he deserves to have +10% to Spirit. Since he’s also known the world over, it makes sense that he’d have an easier time gaining faction with everyone as well.

As the son of a lowly carpenter, expect Jesus to be a proficient engineer, able to create things that would astound lesser men. Obviously, he’d be a gnomish engineer, if only for the cool goggles. He also happens to be an expert tailor, as someone had to fix all the clothing he managed to tear in his travels.

As for his secondary skills, expect Jesus to be an expert angler. Jesus Christ was known as a fisher of men, so it also goes to show that if there’s anyone who’d be 1337 enough to fish up Gahz’Ranka from Zul’Gurub, it’s this guy. Expect Him to have maxed out fishing, and expect Nat Pagle to have learned a thing or two from Him. Besides, the guy walks on water: He can fish anywhere He pleases.

The full article awaits after the jump!

Ever wondered what it’d be like to have your own personal dream team playing World of Warcraft with you? Well, look no further!

In this new series of articles, we’ll be examining the possibilities of people we never expected would play Blizzard‘s epic MMO. We’ll not only go into detail as to why they’d be a particular race, but we’ll also feature the class and skills they’d be expected to use in game… if they played WoW

Allow me to present what is probably the most blasphemous, yet perhaps the most elite of the members of the five-man team in this set: Jesus Christ, the human warlock. Don’t worry. We’ll be silencing all cries of “But Jesus should be a priest!” soon enough. Trust us, Judas is a priest, but Jesus is an uber Warlock.

Race and Skills of He Who Is:

First off, it’s obvious that He’d have to be human. Jesus is fully God and fully Human at the same time, and because He’s God, he deserves to have +10% to Spirit. Since he’s also known the world over, it makes sense that he’d have an easier time gaining faction with everyone as well.

As the son of a lowly carpenter, expect Jesus to be a proficient engineer, able to create things that would astound lesser men. Obviously, he’d be a gnomish engineer, if only for the cool goggles. He also happens to be an expert tailor, as someone had to fix all the clothing he managed to tear in his travels.

As for his secondary skills, expect Jesus to be an expert angler. Jesus Christ was known as a fisher of men, so it also goes to show that if there’s anyone who’d be 1337 enough to fish up Gahz’Ranka from Zul’Gurub, it’s this guy. Expect Him to have maxed out fishing, and expect Nat Pagle to have learned a thing or two from Him. Besides, the guy walks on water: He can fish anywhere He pleases.

Jesus Christ, warlock extraordinaire:

While Nat Pagle may have been the first to say that “Fishin’s fer sissies,” Jesus isn’t a slouch in the fighting arts. He may leave the fighting to the tanks, but rest assured that Jesus’ Warlock powers are more than a match for the armies of the Burning Legion.

First off, he’s not a man for destroying things. Instead, he focuses on the Demonology and Affliction talent trees to enhance his natural abilities, making him a 21/40 Affliction-Demonology Warlock at Level 61.

He uses his warlock abilities to augment his ability to decurse things by mastering the art of actually cursing his enemies. Since He is the one “who giveth and taketh away,” he should just as easily be able to siphon the souls and lives of the damned to save their souls and make himself stronger. Better still, he learns the art of suppression to shut the devil up whenever he tries to tempt Jesus.

More importantly, Jesus has the amazing ability to cast out demons and bring back some of his friends from 2000 years past to help him in his struggles. He has an easy time dominating demons, telling them to go away and leave people in peace. He also happens to know the ways of evil, which is why he knows their tactics and is resilient to their lying cries.

Best of all, He calls back Mary Magdalene every so often… as a succubus.

Final Thoughts:

When properly buffed and equipped, Jesus can deal a lot of quick DoTs coupled with secondary offensive help from Mary Magdalene. Combined with an extra healer or a Paladin, expect Him to rock the arena circuit on your servers, but don’t expect a positive reaction to a druid’s Thorns buff. He’s definitely had enough of those.