The QuickJump QuickList: The ten weariest game cliches ever

Game developers come up with cool and innovative ideas all the time. However, it’s a fact that right around the time that everyone starts thinking that the idea is fresh and cool, some other developer rips it off and feeds it to us again with a different flavor. The strange thing is that we all embrace cliches like they were avant garden.

So what do we do? Put together some crusade to fight game cliches? Nah, if we do that, people would rip it off and we’ll be part of yet another cliche that we ourselves started. Heck, even lists are cliches. So what isn’t? We don’t know, but we better start the list before we all lose our minds.

The “Ten weariest game cliches ever” list awaits after the jump!

Game developers come up with cool and innovative ideas all the time. However, it’s a fact that right around the time that everyone starts thinking that the idea is fresh and cool, some other developer rips it off and feeds it to us again with a different flavor. The strange thing is that we all embrace cliches like they were avant garden.

So what do we do? Put together some crusade to fight game cliches? Nah, if we do that, people would rip it off and we’ll be part of yet another cliche that we ourselves started. Heck, even lists are cliches. So what isn’t? We don’t know, but we better start the list before we all lose our minds.

Here are the weirdest game cliches in the game kingdom:

10. The Stormtrooper syndrome – This is one of the most rampant game cliches that traces its root to old-school movies. There you are, the dashing hero, you just saved the girl and you two just busted out of the enemy fortress. The alarms blare out loud, enemy soldiers are on a hot pursuit, they ram your ride if you’re in one or shoot hundreds, if not thousands of assault rifle rounds. For some reason, they forgot that you’re the hero, and no matter how many of them there are or how many years they trained, they’ll never hit you. They never learn!

9. Bases were made to be blown up – Yup, enemy villains have that wasteful habit of building large, expensive bases that always seem to self-destruct after you fight the boss. Of course, you’ll never get caught in the blast. Who are they kidding?

8. Indestructible doors and chests – Hmm…. A wooden door is blocking the path to where I need to be. Just my luck, someone locked it. Oh well, it looks like nobody’s going to mind if I use some unconventional tools to open it surgically. Let’s try the trusty pistol. BANG! No dice. Maybe the shotgun will do the trick. KA-BRAM! Damn, it’s tougher than it looks. Maybe, but nothing’s tough enough for the BFG! KABLAMIST! Whoa! What manner of Tibetan oak is this door made of?

So much for realistic gameplay. Oh well, I better find the key. I hope enemies try to stop me because I’m feeling pretty generous with my ammo today.

7. Main character must-have – Nope, it’s not a gun nor is it a sword. Main characters need razors to maintain that mustache-free face. You can have a goatee, but no hair above the mouth, please. No self-respecting hero can have it. Let’s not even get into female main characters and shaving.

6. The RTS Rule – Almost every real-time strategy game that has a setting of an Earth-like world from any time after the 1800’s has to have a human or American faction in it. Impossible Creatures doesn’t count. It’s just a guy, a girl and freaky crossbreeds, for crying out loud.

5. The almost-useless ultimate weapon – Unless you’re cheating, you only get the best weapons and other gear in a game when you’ve practically beaten everyone there is worth beating unless there are super bosses like the Weapons from the Final Fantasy series or Baal from the NIS games.

4. Baptism by sewer – If you want to be a hero, you have to be willing to go where the sun don’t shine. You did it in the Final Fantasy games, you used it as an escape route in Metal Gear Solid 3 and just about every FPS has a sewer level. We thought we were safe in Diablo II because we didn’t think they had sewers at the time, but we guess Blizzard showed us. No offense to Mario and the Ninja Turtles.

3.The village jinx – This is especially true in RPGs. The people in the first village you stay in better go to evacuation mode when they spot you. Your presence usually means that enemy troops will come in and pillage the poor hamlet and you can’t do nothin’ bout it because you’re still too weak or young or both. By the way, notice that hardly anyone has a toilet in the houses that they never lock? Of course, the scoundrel that you are, will take advantage and loot them clean.

2.Character types – Does it even matter if they give classes some other names? Everybody will be a derivative of a warrior, priest, mage and elf.

1. The party-joiner impulse – It doesn’t matter who they are, what they’re doing or where they come from: People will join your party and forget about their families and jobs to be part of your posse. No wonder you have that Messianic complex. Strangely enough, you end up solving the biggest problems in their lives along the way in some crazy side-quest.

Did we miss anything? If so, post them in the comments section for future references. Thanks to Tim Y., Gino D., Nicolo S., Ceasar S., Ryan C., and Chris L. for all the great ideas! Special thanks to Ian C. for christening the column and doing last week’s banner, and big thanks to Karl B. for this week’s banner.