The QuickJump QuickList: Top ten manliest men in video game history

Admit it, playing as a pansy would suck even if it was the best video game ever made. That isn’t to say having some random well-built guy with a deep voice on screen is enough to make a game fun. In fact, we’ve seen so many pitiful attempts of trying to make “cool” characters that it’s not even funny anymore.

Fortunately, there’s a handful of really manly video game dudes out there that aren’t just made of testosterone and big muscles – they also have the history, personality, and attitude to be considered men among men. In this list are the most epic piles of manly turned video game characters. Are you man enough to take it?

10. Ryo Hazuki – Being manly doesn’t mean you have to be some barbaric dude with an axe and a loud voice. As they say, the deep waters are more silent. Ryo Hazuki sounds and acts like your typical quiet guy, but fans of Shenmue know what lies beneath. He’s not a womanizer or a jock. In fact, he ditched his cute lover, plays with kittens, and drives forklifts. What makes him so manly, then?

Even while facing potentially the strongest organized crime group in China, Ryo is deadset on facing Chiyoumen’s leader, Lan Di, to avenge his father. Just like a man with strong convictions, this guy fresh out of high school has left worldy matters behind to do whatever it takes just to get closer to the fiend that killed his dad.

Click on for the rest of list, in which we ooze machismo and hose the decks down with testosterone. RAWR!

Admit it, playing as a pansy would suck even if it was the best video game ever made. That isn’t to say having some random well-built guy with a deep voice on screen is enough to make a game fun. In fact, we’ve seen so many pitiful attempts of trying to make “cool” characters that it’s not even funny anymore.

Fortunately, there’s a handful of really manly video game dudes out there that aren’t just made of testosterone and big muscles – they also have the history, personality, and attitude to be considered men among men. In this list are the most epic piles of manly turned video game characters. Are you man enough to take it?

10. Ryo Hazuki – Being manly doesn’t mean you have to be some barbaric dude with an axe and a loud voice. As they say, the deep waters are more silent. Ryo Hazuki sounds and acts like your typical quiet guy, but fans of Shenmue know what lies beneath. He’s not a womanizer or a jock. In fact, he ditched his cute lover, plays with kittens, and drives forklifts. What makes him so manly, then?

Even while facing potentially the strongest organized crime group in China, Ryo is deadset on facing Chiyoumen’s leader, Lan Di, to avenge his father. Just like a man with strong convictions, this guy fresh out of high school has left worldy matters behind to do whatever it takes just to get closer to the fiend that killed his dad.

9. Tommy Vercetti – Everyone who stars in a Grand Theft Auto game is quite manly, brave enough to face SEALs and tanks, but we have to choose one. Among all GTA protagonists so far, Thomas “Tommy” Vercetti is simply the most hardcore. First of all, he wears a Hawaiian shirt. What really sets him apart though is how he does business.

The mute guy from the original GTA III follows orders given to him, while Carl Johnson from San Andreas has some heart for his homies. Tommy is an entirely new league – he’s cold, he’s his own man. He never falters, and does everything for the Vercetti Gang to dominate Vice City even if it means dealing with shady porn producers.

8. Kratos – This man is twisted beyond words. He’s mad, he’s angry, and he’s up for revenge. Spartan army captain turned servant of the gods, Kratos can rip most living creatures apart with his bare hands. For everything else, the Blades of Chaos can do the trick. Set in one of the most gory games we’ve ever seen on the PS2, Kratos is oozing with manliness.

He’d sleep with two girls at once while aboard a broken ship and get away with it as if he just took hot coffee. By the end of the first game, he defeated Ares and became God of War himself.

7. Lu Bu – The Dynasty Warriors series is a massive sausage party, but one man stands out. When you meet him in the battlefield, you better make sure you’re playing on Easy or it’s your second playthrough, because it’s almost certain that Lu Bu will kill the inexperienced. Even in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Lu Bu is known as a fearsome general who later turned warlord.

Not manly yet? He also killed the powerful Dong Zhuo to win the heart of Diao Chan, one of the Four Beauties of ancient China. Together with his loyal steed called the Red Hare, Lu Bu is one of the manliest figures in both video games and Chinese history.

6. Jecht – He’s big, muscular, dark-skinned, and a sports junky. Beyond being the biggest star to ever grace Zanarkand’s blitzball stadiums, Jecht is a father. Not a very responsible father, we’ll give you that. But there should be a reason why, according to Tidus, Jecht’s wife loves him so much. He left stardom and his beloved family not because he couldn’t keep up, but he had a bigger mission.

Jecht travelled to an entirely new world, 1000 years into the future, just to save inhabitants of a place he never knew about. On top of that, he accepted the burden of being the next big monster to wreak havoc upon Spira. What’s worse, he had to be killed by his own son. Even with all that, he still disappeared with a smile – the best way a manly man should perish.

5. Luca Blight – This guy is often heralded by those who know of Suikoden II as the meanest villain in all RPGs. Kefka may be crazy, but Luca Blight’s kind of insanity screams of manly. During his childhood days, he saw his mother get raped multiple times. Driven by despair, he took over his father’s army.

Using the Beast Rune, the “Mad Prince” stormed through cities and took countless innocent lives. Only after Suikoden II‘s hero went through an epic journey and brought 17 other strong guys along with him to fight Luca Blight face-to-face did he fall in defeat.

4. Arngrim – According to Mythology, Arngrim was a berserker who pillaged lands and had twelve berserker sons. No, that isn’t manly enough. In Valkyrie Profile, he killed thousands with a giant sword, which is kinda cliche in today’s standards, but was awesome in his time. After taking revenge for a princess, he chose to commit suicide than fighting the father of his friend.

Even as a soul, he aided Lenneth Valkyrie in her endeavors. Not manly enough? Take this: he fought beside sizzling hot valkyries (Lenneth and Hrist) both while in flesh and spiritual form.

3. Big Boss – We first met this guy in Metal Gear for the NES, in which the Big Boss was nothing more than a terrorist leader of FOXHOUND. Games back then could only do so much, but Hideo Kojima‘s genius took storytelling to a new level. Now, we’ve seen through MGS3: Snake Eater and MGS: Portable Ops that the legendary soldier is another victim of circumstances. The only person close to him, The Boss, died in his own hands under orders from the top brass.

Before he got that far, Jack went through more harsh experiences that would make the toughest man on earth cry. His own mentor broke his arm and almost killed him, a hot Chinese babe screwed him over, and even lost his right eye. The hero had to eat frogs and rats to survive. Even through that, he remained loyal to the government for years to come.

2. Duke Nukem – A list of all that is manly can’t be complete without this badass dude, hands down. He’s got guts, guns, and all the babes. He spouts manly lines like “That’s gotta hurt” “I ain’t afraid of no quake” and “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum” in a really rough voice.

Everyone loves the Duke, who appeared in 3D (Duke Nukem 3D) using an engine far superior than Doom’s. On the PlayStation, he mocked the first ever hot video game babe by having his own games of platforming, but with more shooting and gore. Lara Croft never fought Pig Cops, which makes Duke far more superior.

1. Mario – This guy needs no introduction. He’s a plumber with a mustache, wears blue dungarees on top of a red shirt, and is Italian. For those not in the know, Italy is not only home of pasta and pizza but also the dreaded Mafia.

How often do you see a fat guy around 5-feet tall who jumps on mysterious creatures (koopa) and spits fireballs at overgrown turtles to aid a damsel in distress? Beyond that, in his first game alone he went through eight worlds just to save Princess Peach. Mario is not just the most famous video game character ever, he is also the most manly.