Weekend Slowdown: when Ninjas meet golf, god save Tiger Woods

Words just fail this game. This game is just plain too awesome for mere words to describe. It truly shows how one can apply Real Ultimate Power to arrogant, decadent pastimes that masquerade as sports and eat land that could have been used for government housing. The stuff written on the instruction booklet for the game? Failure.

Hey, at least it tried. Here, read the instruction booklet yourself to get an idea of what this game is all about, if you didn’t get the idea from the box shot from the right already:

For ten years you’ve trained to be a Ninja. And now your Master tells you that it’s time to take the final, most difficult test and become a Master Ninja. You must complete the game of death. You must play nine holes of… Ninja Golf?

You knew your Master was a bit weird, but nothing prepared you for this! You must attempt to sneak in a birdie between karate kicks while you battle Ninja opponents. Par for this course means leaving the green littered with fallen foes.

You gain points for both your golf game and defeating attacking Ninja. You can also earn points for finding treasures and other bonus items along the course.

Once you’ve completed all nine holes successfully, be ready to challenge the disguised Master Ninja. This final battle will determine whether or not you become a Master Ninja. And if you win, it will improve your golf score.

Yes, Ninja Golf reigns supreme!

More Ultimate Power after the Jump! No pirates, we promise!

Words just fail this game. This game is just plain too awesome for mere words to describe. It truly shows how one can apply Real Ultimate Power to arrogant, decadent pastimes that masquerade as sports and eat land that could have been used for government housing. The stuff written on the instruction booklet for the game? Failure.

Hey, at least it tried. Here, read the instruction booklet yourself to get an idea of what this game is all about, if you didn’t get the idea from the box shot from the right already:

For ten years you’ve trained to be a Ninja. And now your Master tells you that it’s time to take the final, most difficult test and become a Master Ninja. You must complete the game of death. You must play nine holes of… Ninja Golf?

You knew your Master was a bit weird, but nothing prepared you for this! You must attempt to sneak in a birdie between karate kicks while you battle Ninja opponents. Par for this course means leaving the green littered with fallen foes.

You gain points for both your golf game and defeating attacking Ninja. You can also earn points for finding treasures and other bonus items along the course.

Once you’ve completed all nine holes successfully, be ready to challenge the disguised Master Ninja. This final battle will determine whether or not you become a Master Ninja. And if you win, it will improve your golf score.

Yes, Ninja Golf reigns supreme!

If only the game was more famous. Why did it have to be released for the Atari 7800? Why? BluSky Software should’ve just sold the game they developed to Nintendo – who was dominant at the time – instead of just bowing to will of Atari Corporation?

This is the only game wherein you can engage in golf, plow through some platforming/beat-em-up action against a plethora of enemies that include mutant frogs and psychotic gofers, and experience epic boss battles against dragons that protect the final hole.

Images of the gory, intense action follows:

For those of you who wish to experience Real Ultimate Power we suggest that you install an Atari 7800 emulator into your PSPs and enjoy this game. For those of you who fail at Real Ultimate Power, all is not lost, a watered down Flash version of the game can be acquired using your ninja stealth skills here.

Trust us! This game is ULTIMATE! Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Naruto Ultimate – Narutimate Accel, the DOA girls, and even Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2007 has nothing on this under-appreciated Atari gem. Did Ryu Hayabusa have to mind the wind velocity while he killed mindless ground based foes that predictably charged at him? No. Did Naruto have to battle psychotic gofers? No. Did the DOA girls have to dodge poop while they played beach volleyball? No. No scat in DOA folks. Does Tiger Woods have Real Ultimate Power? No.

Take it from this video reviewer who chooses to lurk in YouTube (no, it’s not from the Ask A Ninja dude):

Quick, all you loyal members of the Ninja Meme, band together against the Pirates of this world. Start a petition that requests that this game be released on all those online services. Yes, those online services that companies greedily use to sell old games on their glittery new next-gen console so they can pad their game portfolio. The experience that is Ninja Golf must be spewed upon the next generation. It must damage young impressionable minds who spent Wii/Micrsoft Points.

Until next time, happy Easter, enjoy your Ninja Burgers, and always remember to avoid falling poop from ninja birds. You die instantly when you get hit by those.