The QuickJump QuickList: Gaming’s 10 most bad-ass bosses yet

You may love ’em or hate ’em but let’s face it, the contributions of bosses to gaming are almost as important as those of the good guys themselves. In this edition of the QuickList, we’re honoring the cream of the crop among the bad guys. The criteria? We scrutinized each based on what he had to offer and what he does best. Whether it’s style, toughness or infamy, we took them by what they had to offer and we found 10 left standing. Again, this is all subjective and your opinions are as good as ours. Here they are:

10. The Polar Bear (Ice Climber)– After hours of grueling debates on the subject of whether he’s even a boss or not, the Ice Climber Polar Bear has eked his way to a cliff-hanging tenth spot on this list. There’s not a lot to say about him in terms of difficulty, but gamers from the past know what time it is when they see the hot, red briefs over the off-white fur. It means you’re taking too long to climb and he’ll force-advance the level with a jumping fart.

Usually, there’s no problem getting to his face and pounding his toes with a mallet, but when playing with a friend or sibling, it sparks an unfriendly war of who gets to nail him. The only way to make sure that you do the honors is to sabotage your partner with guerrilla tactics like unorthodox body checks and busting the floors where they stand. We won’t be surprised to hear about domestic violence resulting from this scenario.

The rest of the bad-ass bosses await after the jump!

You may love ’em or hate ’em but let’s face it, the contributions of bosses to gaming are almost as important as those of the good guys themselves. In this edition of the QuickList, we’re honoring the cream of the crop among the bad guys. The criteria? We scrutinized each based on what he had to offer and what he does best. Whether it’s style, toughness or infamy, we took them by what they had to offer and we found 10 left standing. Again, this is all subjective and your opinions are as good as ours. Here they are:

10. The Polar Bear (Ice Climber)– After hours of grueling debates on the subject of whether he’s even a boss or not, the Ice Climber Polar Bear has eked his way to a cliff-hanging tenth spot on this list. There’s not a lot to say about him in terms of difficulty, but gamers from the past know what time it is when they see the hot, red briefs over the off-white fur. It means you’re taking too long to climb and he’ll force-advance the level with a jumping fart.

Usually, there’s no problem getting to his face and pounding his toes with a mallet, but when playing with a friend or sibling, it sparks an unfriendly war of who gets to nail him. The only way to make sure that you do the honors is to sabotage your partner with guerrilla tactics like unorthodox body checks and busting the floors where they stand. We won’t be surprised to hear about domestic violence resulting from this scenario.

9. Super Bison (Street Fighter EX2)– This guy doesn’t even have a storyline to his name but his arsenal more than makes up for it. Think of a fighter whose special moves damage like super moves, and whose super moves feel like Level 3 finishers, and you’ll get an idea of what it’s like to fight him. Add to that an unforgiving AI and you’ll realize that you’ll have to play a darn-near perfect game to come out on top.

8. Baal (Disgaea series/ Makai Kingdom)– Fans of the NIS line of strategy RPGs know this guy all too well. When it comes to sheer toughness, Baal may very well be the hardest nut on this list. Don’t let the cute Prinny suit fool you: He sports millions of hit points and attack power that can obliterate entire parties with a single swipe. It usually takes the average player an investment of a hundred game hours or so to trounce him, not including the times you’ll have to reset.

7. Celia and Lede (Final Fantasy Tactics)– Don’t expect them to win any popularity contests any time soon, but anyone who’s ever played the original Final Fantasy Tactics will understand why they’re here. Celia and Lede are Marquis Elmdor’s twin assassins who have the deadliest abilities put together in one package. What’s amazing about these two is that they don’t need insanely high HP’s or stellar attack damage. What they lack in stats, they make up for in skills.

These girls can Charm, Kill or Stop you with 100 percent accuracy at any given time if you’re not wearing the right gear. Chances are that you won’t be prepared for your fight against them if you haven’t read FAQs in advance. It’s not hard to figure out what to do when you’ve got them scouted but in terms of surprise butt-kicks, they’re among the very best.

6. Mike Tyson (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out)– His voice in real life sounds cute and he’ll even give you a wink or two in the game, but be careful because that doesn’t mean he likes you. The wink is actually a sign that your world is about to end with a right hook that floors you faster than you can say “don’t bite my ear.”

5. Mr. Burns (The Simpsons Arcade)– Not a whole lot of us will remember the arcade four-player whack-o-rama which was The Simpsons from back in the two-button days, but for those of us who do, Montgomery Burns as the last boss was the definition of pixelated pain. He’s been depicted in some TV series episode as a concept cyborg and it all comes true in your last fight with him. With an array of projectiles punctuated by a mini-nuke to take you out in a jiffy, you’ll be dropping quarters in by the handfuls just to see the ending.

4. Nemesis (Resident Evil 3)- He’s tall, tough, carries a rocket launcher and yes, he’s freaking ugly. Give it up for Capcom for the paranoia that they caused us during our first run at the game. Not a bad showing at the big screen too if you compare him with other game villains who made it to Hollywood.

3. Bowser (Super Mario series)– He may never have had the luck to beat a fat, red plumber but you gotta hand it to Bowser because he just doesn’t quit. With some 20 years under his belt, he’s still the terrifyingly lovable boss whom we all hope will do a number on Mario one of these days. Overall, we’ll give him an F for success rate and an A for effort and longevity.

2.Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)– The name is almost a cliche but like Lara Croft’s place as one of the hottest game babes ever, we’ll have to give credit where it’s due. Sephiroth represents to gaming what Sugar Ray Leonard was to boxing: He’s sizzle and steak and every encounter with him is memorable.

Just what kind of influence does he wield? For one thing, he dominated message boards at a time when a lot of people were still using dial-up connections. We may all hate him for what he did to Aerith, but let’s face it, he’s the bad-ass who set the gold standard for the adjective.

1.FOX-HOUND (Metal Gear Solid)– We were a bit hesitant to place an entire group on top of this list but we just had to. It’s a phenomenon that happened once before in our hot babes list with the girls of Dead or Alive and in the interest of fairness, we decided to have it again. Team QJ recognizes just what trend-setting impact these guys had on the business and that places them on top. We’d rather do that than take them as individuals and have them dominate the top ten.

Whether you’re fighting the innovative battle against Psycho Mantis, pondering the motives of Revolver Ocelot or enjoying Liquid Snake’s Aussie-ish accent, it won’t take long to realize the genius of Hideo Kojima at work. All the fights are class acts in terms of personality and methodology, making each one a poignant and impossible to forget.

Hands down, the best part in the bunch was the moment Psycho Mantis reads your mind. It’ll only take a matter of seconds to realize that he’s actually reading your memory card, but it did get us all the first time around.

There you have it! Honorable mentions include Seven Force, Galamoth, The End, Vamp, Heihachi Mishima, Ruby and Emerald Weapons, SweetTooth and the giant fish thing from Balloon Fight. Who are on your lists?